Wednesday, January 17

amandina*
Courtesan for the Hour

I've moved to WordPress.

Re-link.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

12:46 AM

Tuesday, January 16

You know what's so loopy above love? It's illogical. It doesn't have a Purpose, an Explanation, a Justification, an Illustration. It's almost a cultural construct; something we pluck out from movies and books, believing a life without Love is virtually one not worth living. We're such a dramatic group of mammals, I swear. I bet the rest of the Animal Kingdom is perfectly fine with easy-peasy mating sans the emotional baggage.

It is like an abstract notion, a locomotive of romantic ideals that gathers steam in our constant search for love; driven by fantasies of the perfect Dream Lover. Each time a close approximation appears, we project all these pent-up fantasies upon that unsuspecting victim, subconsciously evaluating him on a scale of how right he is for us. Are we simply in love with being in love? Because what selfishness is involved! We essentially remain closed, enjoying our own private feelings while using others as props or supporting characters in our grand love stories.

In fact, I think this is exactly what I was being accused of last night; of playing with feelings. It is just my luck to have perpetuated (yet again) another Love Story with - not one, but - two male protagonists. And with me running circles of deception around everybody, my life's Fiction showpiece for the year doesn't seem anywhere near a conclusion yet. On one hand, there is the sweet simplicity of being with someone warm and real; and on the other, there is the strong allure of familiarity, repartee and respect.

But viewed in its entirety, neither seems perfect; could this be why there is always no conclusion?

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

5:46 AM

Lookies!!

The Barbarian gave me my own eyepatch!!

Thank you everybody who called and texted me to see how I was doing :]
(I'm bruised, blinded and disfigured, but still beautiful thank you very much.)

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

3:16 AM

"Men love, women allow to be loved."

- Paul Leautaud

Rules for the Simple Life.

If you like me, show it.
If I like you back, you'll know.
If I say I don't, be a man and go away.
If I can't decide, stop wasting your time and go away as well.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

1:25 AM

Sunday, January 14

Sometimes, whatever life throws you takes you through the most exciting journeys in the World Wide Web. I just got back from a futile visit to a clinic; all the GP did was to prescribe me my 4th course of antibiotics - oral, eye drops and ointment - and refer me to an opthamologist. Apparently my stye is not a stye but a chalazion, and it needs to be operated on. Le sigh. It is very depressing. Not only is it extremely tender, the cyst is also so large that it is pressing against my cornea and hampering my vision. Plus, it's also very hideous and I hate looking hideous.

Lynn said maybe I should seriously consider wearing an eyepatch. So while I know it's so dramatisizing events, I started googling and discovered many eyepatch.coms and eyepatch.orgs dedicated to the One Eyed Community. Some patches were lacy, some had embroidered angels, some came as part of sexy pirate lingerie sets. . . Then, I came across this Yahoo! Group called eyepict which sounds very fetishist. Hur, but it says on the site that it was created by a Mr Yuuichi Shibuya "in a attempt to create a group where people who wear eyepatches are considered interesting, intruiging and greatlooking! And not a freak like many people do." Sounds legit enough I guess. And wadya know - there are many hawt One Eyed Temptresses out there.

There is this Colombian Senator, Viviane Morales, who struts her stuff in a patch. Unfortunately she lost the 2006 senatorial race; still I love the lady pirate politician thing. And songstress Lady Viola who fronts San Francisco band "Ragwater"; she actually has two perfectly fine peepers, but just prefers to go Bandit in an Eyepatch. I think in the past hour, I have developed a fetish for eyepatches. If I ever lose an eye in future, please do remind me that endless possibilities still exist. There is life after losing body parts; just depends on how you look at things I guess. That is the strength of mankind.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

11:34 PM

Thursday, January 11

C L A U S T R O P H O B I C.

I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't feel. And I miss being alone with my thoughts. If only I could weave myself into a cocoon; hide arbitrarily from the world. If only you'd stop caring, because I really am ok. I'm just weary from too much discourse and throwbacks to memories adrift. Exhale. . .

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

11:37 PM

The mind is a beautiful place, and it only gets finer with time; that is the artistry of education. A recurring thought these days is how much I would love to meet myself 1 year ago, 2 years ago, 3 years ago. . . with every passing year, a coming of age to view things with more clarity; to distill and understand, and finally to appreciate. Sitting through Inmoo's Financial Risk Management yesterday, I found myself hopelessly surrendering to tales of speculation, catastrophe and haste, marvelling at how little I knew and yet, how much more I hungered to learn.

Kenneth has a hypothesis that intellect marks a mythical golden star on your facade; that one's thoughts is reflected in the way you look. Perhaps he isn't far off: a thirst for knowledge is reflected in your jaunty overture towards challenges, a worldly grasp of matter in your calm, unhurried perusal of life, an affirmation of intellect in your easy confidence. Education inspires, and inspiration is balm to life. I guess that's why Intelligent has been the new Sexy for ages now.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

4:14 AM

Tuesday, January 9

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

2:26 PM

This year, I need to get to Borobudur.

Bum around in Bali for weeks, get my hair dreadlocked and braided 10 times over, bake myself to a fucking glorious golden brown, head down to Yogyakarta for its 9th century Buddhist Mahayana stupa. It's my grand travel plan for this year; who's with me?

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

12:34 AM

Monday, January 8

You know, it's not the Mentholatum ointment,

It's all you that will make the difference :] :]

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

12:24 AM

Saturday, January 6

Drain.

As in, 'drain the stye of pus'. Such an innocuous word. Sigh. In reality, the doctor had to anaesthesize my eye. And slice the underneaths of my eyelid in 4 different places. And pummel it vigorously to get the pus to get flowing. And squeeze it out - blood, pus, plasma and all. And there you have it. My 1st eye surgery; hopefully my last too. Am now accepting donations for eye patches.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

11:19 PM